The Friendly Anarchist

Can You Still Choose?

The other day during yoga, we were invited by our teacher to meditate on the acts of both kindness and unfriendliness we had experienced during the last couple of weeks. ((This exercise in itself was quite interesting: Some participants barely could remember a negative encounter, while others had trouble to recall even a single little act of kindness.))

At the end of the session, we discussed the implications of our experiences, and how we could possibly have reacted better during some of the more tiresome encounters.

This is actually harder than it looks: If we don’t speak out when someone offends us, and instead keep quiet and calm, we might easily become the victim of other people’s unacceptable behavior. On the other hand, losing our temper isn’t exactly a desirable character trait to pursue.

The whole discussion really comes down to a single question: How can we deal with unfriendly behavior in a mindful way?

How differs a mindful – though probably vociferous! – defense of our own position from a senseless expression of rage?

The best answer we found came from a Buddhist monk:

Ask yourself if you are still able to choose!

Are you about to express uncontrollable anger, or are you simply defending your point? In other words, are you acting compulsively, or are you acting consciously?

I believe this question is central in much of our everyday life:

Can you still choose between your work, your leisure, and the ever-tempting Facebook?
Can you still choose to have that drink, that coffee, that cigarette, that ice cream cone ((When it comes to the latter: No, I can’t! Just kidding. Not.)) – or are you getting addicted?
Can you still choose to leave that job, or are you totally dependent on the comfort, money, status et cetera it might entail?
Can you still choose to smile right into the face of adversity?

Please note: It doesn’t really matter what specific choice is made in each moment. This is contingent on our personal and political background, on our taste and preferences, and of course on the circumstances.

But the moment we lose our ability to choose, we enter a road that’s not worth traveling on.

Being able to choose means being able to live sovereignly.

Good Reads, Summer in Berlin Edition

Everybody I meet here agrees on two things: Summer in Berlin is marvelous, winter in Berlin is horrible.

While I have no intention to confirm the latter, I’m certainly happy to confirm the former: Berlin is a wonderful summer city! So when not writing or reading, I enjoyed exploring the German capital during the last couple of weeks. Among other things, I…

Danced with the Mexican band Molotov and hundreds of fans in SO36.
Had beers and played ping-pong at the Landwehr Canal.
Attended my first Berlin rave festival with my dear friend Philipp; dancing inside an old factory building through the night, and then open-air from sunrise til noon. (To be sure, the party continued for another 24 hours after that. I felt a bit like a loser to leave so… ehem… early.)
Walked and biked through a dozen different neighborhoods, tasting diverse food, seeing parks, places and friendly people; and of course enjoying many architectural highlights, ranging from the Berlin Cathedral to the Mies van der Rohe house, to the plattenbauten in Lichtenberg (well, the latter, not so much).
Visited ((Opposed to: Participated in…)) the half marathon at Schönefeld airport – needing more time to get there from my house via S-Bahn and shuttle bus than my good friend Max needed to actually finish the run! (Way to go, man!)
Had a barbecue with Danica and my idleness mentor Franck; met up with mate-fueled branding genius Mars Dorian; shook hands with Tom Hanks (well, almost!); saw friends from all over Germany, Panama, Colombia; and so on…

All in all, plenty good reasons to neglect work – but I also managed to get quite a few things done! As it turns out, my mobile productivity has improved quite a bit since last year. One key for me is having a basecamp here in the city, where I can leave my stuff, work, cook and sleep. Definitely hub travel just the way I like it – thanks a ton to my friend Daniel, who is housing me!

Without any further personal ado, let’s jump into the links to some interesting, thought-provoking or simply entertaining things I read and saw online during the last couple of weeks!

[¶]

The Sad, Beautiful Fact That We’re All Going To Miss Almost Everything:

It’s sad, but it’s also … great, really. Imagine if you’d seen everything good, or if you knew about everything good. Imagine if you really got to all the recordings and books and movies you’re “supposed to see.” Imagine you got through everybody’s list, until everything you hadn’t read didn’t really need reading. That would imply that all the cultural value the world has managed to produce since a glob of primordial ooze first picked up a violin is so tiny and insignificant that a single human being can gobble all of it in one lifetime. That would make us failures, I think.

Such a smart post. Found it via Kottke.

[¶]

“I run out of ideas every day!” This is old, but it’s so great. Ze Frank on how he certainly doesn’t want to be addicted to brain crack.

[¶]

Looking back on it now, the first time I truly felt the need for a note-taking app was when I started researching note-taking apps. I was just looking for a simple tool to save ideas about upcoming articles or jot down an occasional to-do list.

Stop. Do not send me your pick for best note-taking app.

I can’t take any more options. I’ve already spent weeks comparing sets of features I’m pretty sure I’ll never need. I tried out at least fifteen applications on my desktop, phone and on the web. I was completely overwhelmed by choices. The process began to take over my life. I spent hours in front of my laptop, I’d demo various features for my wife and kids, and my quest quickly became the only topic I could focus on when interacting with friends.

They say failure is not an option. But everything else is.

Oh, more options! Don’t we all love them?

[¶]

I love Kirk Tuck, because he’s passionate about what he does, and he has an extremely well-tuned bullshit detector. And it’s precisely in this passionate and no-bullshit manner, that he defends art and reading fiction:

Maybe while I’m walking around just letting images come to me by some sort of inefficient osmosis all those left brain people out there have drawn up matrixes and ven diagrams, plotted their “creative development” out on graphs and have measured their “artistic” productivity on a scale I can’t imagine, all the while chilling out with a glass of chardonnay and a good book on The History of Iron or Understanding C++ Compilers or Nuclear Remediation for Dummies. But I may have it even more incorrect than I first supposed. Perhaps people who don’t read fiction don’t drink wine either.

[¶]

Passions and profits? Not so easy. Here’s a free guide to get you started. ((Affiliate link. There’s nothing to sell directly, but I might get a commission in case you buy something from Jonathan in the future. Disclaimer: I have worked with him and can recommend Jonathan’s services and products wholeheartedly.)) The thing that follows, is actually doing the work. This is where it gets harder. But it’s worth it, I believe.

[¶]

Why I’m biking through Berlin instead of taking, say, the subway? Here’s why:

Yes, the bicycle is a stunningly efficient machine of transportation, but in the city it is so much more. The bicycle is new vision for the blind man. It is a thrilling tool of communication, an experiential device for the beauty and the ills of the urban context. One cannot turn a blind eye on a bicycle – they must acknowledge their community, all of it. Here lies the secret weapon of the urban renaissance.

[¶]

Harvard dropouts from the class of 1969:

“I knew I didn’t want to do city planning, to play in that bureaucratic world,” he continues. “I also knew that if I stayed another semester they would hand me a diploma, and that diploma is going to open a whole lot of doors that I don’t want to go through. And I know that I am not real strong, and if I have that key, at some point I’m going to be seduced and want to go through one of those doors. So by not having the diploma, I will remove the temptation. That actually worked out very well, because I was tempted, more than once.”

The big lesson? Prepare your escape throroughly, then go!
Again via Kottke, whom you should probably read anyway so I can spare you his links!

Ideal Conditions

As promised, here’s a bad piece of good advice: ((Or, vice-versa!)) Create ideal conditions. Before you even start something, make it fail-proof.

Waiting for ideal conditions can be either blazingly smart or sheepishly stupid, and it shows perfectly how good advice really is a mixed bag.

Let’s take an example… say, writing a book.

You want to write a book, and you give yourself some good advice. Or maybe, you get it from someone else. Often, it’s actually a mix of the two of them, and that’s quite a deadly cocktail, like mixing gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate.

Anyway, the “ideal conditions” argument goes something like this:

Have you considered that the economy is down?
I mean: Authors cannot possibly survive in this climate.
Also, consider piracy.
Did you know that the Huffington Post doesn’t pay a cent to their authors?
How would you probably find a publisher?
You didn’t even study that stuff!
Nor do you have a million online followers who would buy anything from you.
The conditions really aren’t so good right now, are they?

Once you manage to ignore all these questions, you think you’re ready to sit down and work. But it doesn’t stop there!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, waaaiit!
Are you sure you have the best writing application installed?
What about that nice ergonomic keyboard you considered buying? Wouldn’t it make the process much easier?
The dishes are dirty. Won’t you wash them first so you don’t have to worry about them anymore?
It’s too noisy/silent/cold/warm/late/early.
And you’re hungry!
Shouldn’t you get coffee?
And don’t forget to send that email that Chris is waiting for!

The fun thing is: Many of these objections are somewhat grounded on facts. They somehow describe real problems: The work will be hard, most writers don’t make an easy living, and there could be better times, better conditions, better tools, a better environment to get the work done.

The rationale behind these objections goes something like this: Create ideal conditions before trying and you are more likely to succeed. (Or, at least, you will fail smoother.)

Yet, at the same time, focusing too much on preparation is dangerously deceiving: If you aim for ideal conditions, you might end up stuck forever where you are now. Risk of failure will be 0%, because you don’t even give it a try.

Doomsday Conditions

Steven Pressfield has a name for what it is that makes us long for ideal conditions: It’s the Resistance. ((Yes, we have all met her before.)) The Resistance is what keeps us from doing our work – and trying to create ideal conditions is often precisely that: It prevents us from actually getting something done, by forcing us to focus on endless preparation.

Consider this: If humanity had always waited for ideal conditions, we wouldn’t be flying around the world or using the Internet or exploring space or whatever. We would be stuck on the trees, scratching our monkey asses, wondering how to find our next banana. (Or, worse, we’d still be stuck in the water, with nothing to scratch at all!)

The truth is that there are no ideal conditions, ever. There will always be some kind of problem: Not enough money, not enough supporters, not enough experience, not enough products for sale, not enough allies, not enough followers on Twitter, not enough ideas, not enough health, not enough resources.

You will get ideal conditions on doomsday, when the hordes of hell tell you to run.

Then, you will run. No matter what.

But who wants to wait for doomsday? ((And, who wants to see it? I skip, thank you!))

Doomsday may well be: Never.

But, on a personal level, it may also be:

When you get really, really sick.
When you are kicked out of your job after working your ass off for your company during three decades.
When your boyfriend leaves you or your wife files divorce.
When you lose all your savings, because of the next economy bubble bursting.
When you are fed up with it all.

Then, suddenly, conditions appear to be ideal because you feel that you’ve got nothing left to lose anymore. Because there isn’t really any comfortable alternative left. Only then, you feel ready to move.

The objective truth, though, is that overall conditions will likely be worse by then than they are right now!

The only difference is that, then, you will finally have the guts. Now, you don’t.

The Change Mindset

Change is a rather ordinary process. I’ve outlined it here on TFA: Direct the rider, motivate the elephant, and shape the path. Really simple. Simple enough for a five-year old kid to understand. Certainly simple enough for a grown-up like you.

The real problem, though, is not a lack of understanding of the process. It’s having the guts, and it’s putting the hours in.

For the guts, read Beyond Rules.

For the hours, start working now. Because the thing you really need isn’t a further outline of the process. It’s practicing the change mindset.

Forget about creating ideal conditions! There is actually some evidence that working under ideal conditions will make your work harder, not easier!

Instead, understand that change is possible.

Here’s how I see it:

It’s perfectly okay if you decide you do not want to change.
It’s perfectly okay if you decide to change and fail once.
It’s perfectly okay if you decide to change and fail twice.
It’s perfectly okay if you decide to change and fail ten thousand times. ((Well, actually, that would be a bit too much. It’s why I stopped trying to learn algebra. I failed about nine thousand times, and I quit.))
It’s bullshit if you think you cannot change!

So how about caution?
How about creating ideal conditions?

Caution and conditions matter. Be cautious when it comes to risking your life. But risking your life means things like jumping from skyscrapers without a parachute. ((Actually, that’s probably quite a high risk.)) It doesn’t mean writing a book. It doesn’t mean executing a photography project. It doesn’t mean public speaking. It doesn’t even mean quitting your job.

The capacity to fear is part of human nature. Fear that prevents us from touching a poisonous snake has a clear evolutionary function.

Chronic anxiety has not.

Be prepared to experience the difference between the two, and to assume the consequences: Just because it’s new, it doesn’t mean you have to create ideal conditions before approaching it. Sometimes, jumping right into it might be the better option.

Your Turn: The Conditions You Need

If you want, follow the advice and create conditions as good as you can. But creating good conditions means learning to use your parachute. It doesn’t mean getting every detail right from the start.

Good conditions help on your way; ideal conditions – if they hinder you from taking action – don’t.

Remember what Paul Myers says in Need to Know: ((There’s nothing to sell on the site, but it’s an affiliate link to a free book I highly recommend for people interested in online business. The newsletter is useful and unobstrusive.)) “Assets risked with a calculated probability of profit are called ‘investments.'”

Said in another way: Don’t freak out about ideal conditions. If there isn’t any risk of failure, there isn’t any chance to win. If you don’t try it, you’ll never know what would have happened.

Good Advice

One thing I hate is good advice.

Especially when it’s unsolicited. But even when it’s not. Good advice is a killer. And certainly not in the “excellent, outstanding, extreemely satisfying [sic!]” kind of way. Rather in the “Charles Manson is coming to your barbecue and he isn’t bringing booze” kind of way.

Anyway, good advice. Here’s my trouble with it: It sucks. No matter what. There are two specific ways how it can suck:

It sucks because it’s just the same old bad advice gone cross-dressing. It’s simply wrong. As I’ve said before, the opposite of good is well-intentioned, and often, that’s what happens with good advice.
It sucks because it’s right and forces us to either act on it, ((And we don’t like to act on it, because homeostasis makes us feel so very comfortable with things just the way they are now, not matter how good or bad they actually might be!)) or leave everything as it is, and suffer the consequences – including snotty looks and evil laughter from the side of the advisor: “I told you that you shouldn’t connect your Macbook to that shaky Colombian power outlet!” – “We warned you that he would cheat on you!” – “I told you that you wouldn’t earn a living as a traveling leather jacket salesman!”

So, good advice sucks.

Now, what can we do about it?

Some people simply try to avoid it as good as they can. Unfortunately, this rarely works out. Not only do they miss all the helpful bits and pieces of the abundant advice that’s thrown at us – they also fail in the attempt to escape it in the first place. Unless they move under a rock. In the desert. On the moon. ((And I bet that even there, some astronaut or alien or whatever will come along with some totally unsolicited good advice.))

So, here’s my good advice concerning good advice: Don’t flee it – seek it! ((Wait! Hate it and seek it? Sounds contradictious. Umm, yeah. So what?))

If you can’t avoid it anyway, seek good advice as much you can, and make the best of it. As it turns out, good advice (even from the “well-intentioned” category) sucks when you hear it, but it still may be quite helpful in the long run.

The Filter

So shall you take all the good advice you get for granted?
Of course not.

But all you’ll need in order to make the best of it is to behave consciously. As you will be permanently receiving advice and input from a myriad of people, books, and experiences, you have to install a filter. And your consciousness is precisely that: A filter.

When it comes to good advice, there is only one person who decides on what to make of it:

*Fanfares*

You!

To give an utterly boring example from my early life (*cough*): Many years ago, I went to seek career guidance ((Not a joke!)) and took a test with a company specialized in evaluating possible job perspectives for students.

The result?
They recommended to me to become either a language teacher, or a diplomat. They would have been tempted to recommend journalism or the arts, but the labor market looked too dim, according to their statistics.

So that was the advice I got. A career counselor’s vision for my future. The only useful realization of my talents, apparently, was translating labor contracts and manuals, or sort through visa applications in some office building in Brussels.

Rhetorical question for long-term readers: Did I do what I was told?
Nope. ((At least, not yet. I would willingly accept an ambassador’s position almost anywhere in the Caribbean, even on short notice.))

But: Did I still benefit from the advice I got?
You bet! By evaluating it on my own, I gained an interesting insight into my talents and how they compared to the general public.

As it turned out, my mix of computer knowledge, graphic design skills, creativity, and a knack for writing, traveling and languages wasn’t as common as I had expected. All I had to do was figure out how to combine them ((Like here on TFA!)) and to deepen them, i.e. in college studies and through self-education.

So here’s the trick to good advice:

Seek it.
Take it.
Filter it.
Draw your own conclusions.
Yay!

Your Turn!

Take a moment to think about some recurring good advice you are getting – especially if it totally sucks.
Now, figure out a way to go deeper, and seek more advice concerning the same issue. Ask different people, look at it from different perspectives, and consciously adopt the position of your advisors. Then, think about the truths and lies in their advice, and apply it to your situation in a way that makes sense to you.

Some examples for common well-intentioned advice:

“You should try to find a higher-paying position.”
“You should get married sooner better than later.”
“You should buy a faster computer so you can work more efficiently.”

I will share a very special piece of horribly good advice with you on Monday, and it’ll be concerning a topic I also mentioned before, in my post on time independence: Perfect conditions. So this could be another interesting topic to think about!

Please share your thoughts in the comments, by email, or via Twitter!

Wonderful photo CC-BY-NC-SA by akseez. The quote I added is from the Eels.

Superheroes and Self-Reliance

“I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me, and the heart appoints.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

Let’s assume for a moment that you have a couple of funky superpowers: You can melt steel with your laser glare. You can jump a thousand foot high. You can lift a ton of weight with your little finger alone. What the heck, you are immortal!

Now, the tough question: Do you use your powers to become a superhero, or a supervillain?

This question is neither as hypothetic nor as ridiculous as it first seems. Much to the contrary, I believe how you answer it is deeply related to the core of your being – and as such, it plays a vital role in your day-to-day life and happiness.

Here’s how I see it: Human beings are better than their reputation.

The main problem isn’t that they are egomaniac, selfish, and power-hungry – actually, it’s almost the opposite: ((Okay, I am probably being a bit naive here. Some people indeed are egomaniac, selfish, and power-hungry. But as far as my experience goes, most of them are not.)) It’s that they don’t trust themselves enough. It’s that they are afraid to follow their gut feeling and express their true self; it’s that they are scared so much that they feel powerless. They are scared because they aren’t conscious of the superpowers they possess.

Which brings me to my second point: You possess superpowers! Dare to use them!

Maybe you cannot cut through steel with your gaze. Maybe you cannot jump onto the Chrysler building, or carry your car home if you run out of gas. And, most probably, you are going to die.

This doesn’t mean you are doomed to be a (super)powerless person, though.

You may have heard the same old stories for decades: “Play it safe! Do what you are told! Do what everybody else is doing – or you’ll suffer. You won’t be able to sustain yourself!”

If Spiderman believed this kind of stories, he wouldn’t be able to shoot webs from his wrists and fly through New York City. He would just be Peter Parker, sitting at home alone, wondering about how he could invite Mary Jane to a date.

The good thing is that he doesn’t believe these stories anymore. The lesson is a tough one for him ((Spoiler for non-comic readers: He loses his uncle because of neglecting his responsibilities at first.)) – but ultimately, there are two things he understands:

He is far more powerful than he first expected.
He can use his powers for good – and this is more than a possibility, it’s a duty.

Think about it: Once Peter gets conscious of his powers, he doesn’t join the Green Goblin or Doctor Octopus to terrorize the city! He realizes that “with great power there must also come great responsibility” – and he acts accordingly. Instead of abusing his powers to dominate the planet, he assumes his responsibility to make the world a better place. His choice is clear: Superhero, not supervillain!

The basis for it?

Trust in himself.
And self-reliance.

Self-Reliance: Chance or Threat?

What if everybody became aware of their superpowers? Would they use them for good, or would they use them to do harm? Superpowers are often individual talents – is there any way for all of us to let them out, and still live in a world of community and friendship?

One common fear when it comes to pursuing a self-reliant and sovereign life is this: What if everybody did that? Wouldn’t we drown in chaos, hate, and adversity? In a world of so many opposing views and forces, how could we possibly live as personal sovereigns, friendly anarchists, and self-reliant individuals without permanently fighting each other?

On the other hand, think about the alternative: What if people continued to ignore their powers? What if everybody conformed? Wouldn’t that be much worse?

And isn’t that precisely the reason why so many people live unhappily, way below their personal potential?

Peter Parker understood the problems that lie in conformance, in distrusting ourselves, in not tapping our superpowers.

And so did many people before him. Take Ralph Waldo Emerson: For him, self-reliance means doing what has to be done, speaking the truth, and living an authentic life. But it doesn’t mean disrespect for others and mere egoism. For him, the radical action that follows from listening to our true self and acting accordingly is a way of collaborating with the universe, rather than fighting against it. Superhero, not supervillain!

The truth is: (Super)Heroism and self-reliance are really two sides of the same coin! If we want to live our life truly and authentically, it’s of central importance to discover our superpowers – and use them for good.

In order to do that, we have to listen inside, trust our judgment, and get moving. And today is the best day to start: Because today is the beginning of #Trust30, an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. It’s an opportunity to reflect on where you are currently at, identify your superpowers, and to create direction for your future.

Starting today, 30 prompts from 29 inspiring thought-leaders (and one friendly anarchistic dilettante) will guide you on your writing journey. Join us here! Because self-reliance is a chance, not a threat. Let’s use it to become superheroes, not supervillains!

The illustration for this post is based on a wonderful photograph CC-BY-ND by Iain Farrell (Thank you for granting me the permission to alter it!) and a public domain image from the Wikimedia Commons.